Mineral Grade

Pick Your Crystal

Free is fine, darling. But the rare minerals? Those are where the real tea lives.

🔮

Clear Quartz

The starter stone

Free

✦2 PDFs per day
✦5-question quizzes
✦Madame Geode voice only
✦Standard amethyst trophy
✦Share your score with a friend

Rare

💎

Tanzanite

For the serious cracker

$2.99 one-time

Pay once. Crack forever.

✦Unlimited PDFs per day
✦10-question deep quizzes
✦4 voice personalities
✦Rare-mineral trophy variants
✦Downloadable study guide PDF
✦Friend leaderboards on YOUR docs

Asked & Answered

Is this really one-time?

Yes. Pay $2.99, own it forever. No subscription. No darlings demanding monthly tribute.

Does the voice actually talk?

Yes — every verdict is generated as actual speech audio. Madame Geode, Prof. Stern, the Caffeinated TA, and the Auctioneer each have distinct delivery.

What about scanned PDFs?

We read text PDFs — image-only scans won't work yet. Run OCR first.

How are trophies rare?

Score 100% under Tanzanite tier and you'll get an opalescent or labradorite trophy that no Quartz user can ever earn.

“I cracked my dissertation. Madame Geode read me to filth. 10/10.” — A Real PhD Student